


Smallest Greatest Gift

by Bazylia_de_Grean



Series: The Ties That Bind [4]
Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-01 22:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16774564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bazylia_de_Grean/pseuds/Bazylia_de_Grean
Summary: She is not certain why she agreed to go with him, only knows that she had to do what she had always done – try to heal a broken soul. She has always believed that is the real soulmaster’s vocation. Not power, not building intricate devices, but leaning down over a soul and gently pouring some light into the cracks.





	Smallest Greatest Gift

**Author's Note:**

> (prompt: gift)

She was ready to go. Determined to go after her family and friends, after everyone she loved. But he stopped her. To this day, she is not certain why she agreed to go with him, only knows that she had to do what she had always done – try to heal a broken soul. She has always believed that is the real soulmaster’s vocation. Not power, not building intricate devices, but leaning down over a soul and gently pouring some light into the cracks.

That is what they are doing now; that is what Berath had taught her, that is Woedica had proclaimed; that is what Thaos tells her, knowing it is an argument most likely to convince her. Which does not mean it is not true; it certainly feels that way to her. And it is the only thing that still keeps her here, in this world: that each evening, she wraps her soul over his like a linen bandage, brushes her thoughts over his like a healing balm. He was not trained in those techniques, but it is enough that she can feel his soul stir and glow faintly at that. Not happiness, but peace, and that is the most they can have, she – in this life, and he – in this one and all the lives to come.

She cannot fathom how he bears even the mere thought of it. For her, transition into the next life will purge all the memories and take the pain away, and she will be free to breathe and live again – that is what he wanted for her, she realizes. That is why he talked her out of giving her soul back there, in Sun in Shadow. She has not been very willing to appreciate it for the gift it was, but now, years later, she can see it clearly.

Thaos is sound asleep, so she keeps her thoughts quiet and just watches him. In sleep, his face is calm as it never is when he is awake – oh, he can make people believe he is calm, elated, even joyful; she knows, she has seen him do it – but only in sleep he is at peace. She takes a moment to look at him, to commit his features to memory. That is, she thinks, how she would like to remember him; he will probably not be like that in his future lives.

She wonders if he will have someone who knows, like she does, or if he will ever dare to share his burden. Wonders how many will recognize that when he offered himself to Woedica it was a real sacrifice, the first offering made even before the gods came into existence. The most selfless act he has ever done.

She wonders what will happen later, and what he will have to do aside from teaching and travelling and writing prayers. What the ages to come will force him to do. She wonders, and shudders at the thought.

Thaos stirs; he is not a soulmaster, not precisely, but he has an affinity to soul magic, and ever since they became lovers, he is attuned to the changes and tides of her thoughts. “Sleep,” she mutters, gently pressing her hand to his heart; it makes things easier, to feel someone’s pulse, to feel the rhythm of someone’s life.

This is what really binds them; not the occasional lovemaking but this, pressing their souls together in search of comfort and peace. The only thing she still has to give.

“There is no greater gift,” Thaos murmurs, instantly alert the moment he wakes, but calm, as if a few hours of sleep were enough rest for him.

“It’s nothing great.” She hides her face against his neck and shifts closer, searching for some physical comfort as well.

Thaos holds her, gently stroking her hair. There is no love – she has never expected it, has never asked for it and still never does – but he cares, and it is enough. He is there when she cannot sleep or wakes her whenever nightmares plague her. He is there when she is cold and lonely. He is there.

“It’s good to do... to have something that concerns just one person, not the world,” he admits quietly, sensing her thoughts.

“Yes.” It is good to have his warmth beside her, it is good to be held, it is good to...

His arms tighten around her as he presses his lips to her forehead.

“Never think, not even for a moment, that it’s selfish to want this,” he whispers.

Her fingers move over his heart. “I have never properly thanked you for saving me.” She pulls away, just enough to look at him. “I have never really appreciated it, until recently. I...”

“Hush,” Thaos interrupts, softly but decisively. “Grief needs time.” He touches her cheek. “I have never thanked you properly either.”

“You don’t have to,” she breathes. “Not when I can see what you did, what you meant by that.” She hides her face against his neck and clings to him. “You... gave me something you denied yourself. There are no words to thank for that.”

He holds her close, just as tightly as she needs. “And you’re giving me that which you deny yourself every day.”

“No, I don’t.” She closes her eyes briefly and smiles. “Don’t you see? I find my comfort in easing pain.” In easing his pain, but she does not need to clarify that; he will know.

Perhaps understanding and comfort are the greatest gifts they can give each other. And sometimes, when the memories seem too much to bear, even sharing pain is comforting – having someone to share pain with. Other times...

“We should go back to sleep,” Thaos reminds.

“I know. But...” She kisses his shoulder softly; it could really be just a way of saying goodnight if he would rather take it that way. “I’d like to... live for a while?” she asks hesitantly, not really sure how to ask; it has only been a few times and she has never been very forward.

Thaos laughs quietly; a soft, low sound, one she hears only rarely and treasures all the more for it. “I’d be glad to.”


End file.
